I'm sorry I just can't
by Born of the Dova13
Summary: Ed has been split from Roy and Roy can't take it. he doesn't know how to do anything will he live with his friends and embrace the memories of Ed or will he succumb to his inner feeling and join Ed wherever he is Roy X Ed
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to do a short RoyXEd fic.**

"I miss him Riza" Roy cried, Hawkeye was sitting next to him rubbing comforting circles on his back.  
"We all do, Sir" Roza tried to comfort the older man. Everyone had left the cemetery but 6 hours after the Funeral Roy was still there. The tears had stopped a while ago. Roy's voice was barely audible, he had been crying too much. Finally they left the grave, Roy couldn't take it.  
 ** _~TIME SKIP TO NEXT DAY~_**  
Roy was in the office sitting at his desk. The paperwork litters his desk abode, Hawkeye didn't make him do it since yesterday was Mustang's Lover's funeral.  
"I'm really worries about the Colonel." Furey said.  
"Ed's funeral was yesterday, give him time he'll be back to himself in a few days" Havoc explained. They all were worried about Roy. They worried about what he was capable of. He wanted to do it before.  
"Sir, it's lunch would you join us?" Riza's voice chirped. Roy tried to voice a reply but his voice had left him he walked out of the office that brought too many memories of Edward.  
They walked to the cafeteria, Roy grabbed his food and sat down. He hardly ate anything, I didn't feel hungry but he forced himself to eat it, not that he would be getting anything when at was at home anyway. Everyone was shocked, Roy would've been talking by now so Maria Ross decided to find out.  
"Riza." She called out, sitting next to blonde  
"Yes?" She answered turning to face thee woman beside her.  
"Colonel Mustang, he's silent, he's been acting weird." She questioned.  
"His...boyfriend, Edward died" Riza replied looking over at the man who looked like he would into tears at any moment. Ross' eyes widened and gasped, her mouth making a perfect 'o' shape. Ross looked back at her food.  
Roy stood up and left, along with Riza leaving Ross to explain it it to sergeant Brosh. Speak of the devil.  
"Hey Ross. Did you find out why Colonel Mustang was acting weird?" He said happily  
"You know how Ed died?" She started looking at the man as he nodded. "They were... together." Brosh's jaw dropped and eyes widened, Ross got up leaving the speechless sergeant alone.

 ** _Later that day_**

Roy was aloud to go home early since he wasn't going to be doing any work. He walked into the house he and Ed shared. Memories came flooding back, their birthdays, the moment they got the library, when Al got his body back and lived in their house. The moment Roy said he would propose to the younger one. He planned the proposal on their anniversary, which was the day after Ed died.  
Roy strolled over to his bedroom and opens the top drawer. He opened up the box, the box of happiness. The box that held Ed's ring. He picked up the box and the other object such was in that drawer. He raised the object to his temple and tightened his grip on the box.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't live on without you." He muttered his last words into the night.  
"NO ROY!" Riza shrieked, he turned around and smiled. And pulled the trigger. His crimson blood coated his bed, drawer and even Hawkeye. The gunshot resounded throughout the room. Hawkeye, Furey, Breda, Falman and Havoc all stood in Roy's bedroom, staring at the body that lay before them. They couldn't take their eyes off the bloodied face of their superior. Riza's legs couldn't support her so she fell to the ground and wept her cried echoing around them.

 **Sorry for this being so short i have to go I wrote this in a record time about 5 minutes. I have a few RoyEd and Erei fics coming up so stay tuned for them.** **I'm sorry this is so sad, I read a fic and those damned Ninja onions snuck up and got me again. I normally write how i feel so don't forget to review I need a pick-me-up once a in a while, it reassures me i'm not entirely shit. BYEEEEE**

 **~Born of the dova**


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to re-write this because honestly it's shit. It was 2am I was writing, finished, then fell asleep and uploaded it later the same day. FallenAngel12345, thank you so much. I read your review then read the fic again and i was like "this is absolute shit. I'm rewriting this." I'll stop rambling here is the fic. Warning suicide**

"I miss him Riza" Roy weeped, Hawkeye was sitting next to him rubbing comforting circles on his back. She could only imagine the pain and sorrow he was going through right now.

 _~flashback to Ed's death~_

 _The monitor beeped steadily marking Ed's heart. Ed was pale, his breathing ragged and quick. His voice was broken, barely a whisper._  
 _"You'll pull through Ed, you always do, just don't give up." Roy comforted his dying boyfriend. Ed's movements were slow, his energy rushing out of him with every breath._  
 _"Roy... I'm dying, you know that... I can't survive this... my mom had this... it's genetic... it was me or Al... I'm glad it's me." Ed smiled at the thought that there was a chance taht Al could've avoided this. Al was by his side, along with Winry._  
 _"Brother no! Don't be glad it's you. I don't want to go. We still need to get your arm and let back. Our quest isn't done." Al cried. Al held his automail hand, it was cold in his flesh. "There is still stuff I want to do with you." Al continued he was determined to show no weakness around his brother. His unshed tears were blurring his vision and stinging his eyes. Winry was behind Al, silently crying not saying a word in fear of breaking down in a heap of tears. The male blonde was crying not afraid to show weakness around the ones he loved._  
 _"Roy, Alphonse, Winry. I love you all." He turned to Al and smiled. "I'll get to see Mom, Al" he stopped talking as the monitor let out a long cold tone._  
 _"ED!" Roy and Winry cried, unleashing the torrent of tears they both tried so hard to keep inside._  
 _"BROTHER!" Al collapsed in a mess of tears._

 _~and of flashback~_

A sea of black lingered around the cemetery and a coffin was carried and buried in a small hole with a tombstone marking the words Roy did not want to hear. Inside was the body of Roy's boyfriend. Edward Elric. Roy looked around to see people holding in a waterfall of tears. Alphonse, Winry, Havoc,Breda, Fuery, Olivia, Armstrong, Ross, Brosh, Izumi, Sig, Rose, Fletcher, Russell, Pinenia, Ling, Mei, Graicia, Elisia and even the Fuhrer.  
"We all do, Sir" Riza tried to comfort the older man. The funeral dragged on, the speech as long and boring, all Roy wanted to do was sit in their room dreaming that Ed was next to him, safe and sound. Roy wanted to send him on a mission, and then for Edward to shout at him, call him short and for him to yell at him every time. He wanted bruises all over his chest from Ed's automail. He wanted to brush Ed's hair and braid it every morning, for A to go into the office and for Havoc and the rest of the unit to poke th. That Ed was covered in hickeys. All of that was gone now. He could never do any of that again.  
"Ed, I loved you as a brother, you were there for everything. You broke your automail a lot, but every time I enjoyed it. I always enjoyed your company" Winry said her eyes puffy since she had been crying  
"Midget. You're probably swearing your head off somewhere. I loved you. You and Al filled the void in my heart that my son created. Thank you." Pinako said her eyes tearing up.  
"B-B-Brother. Why why did you have to leave me? I wanted to go to restaurants together. I wanted to taste Gracia's pies with you." To stop So from breaking down and crying again Winry and Pinako led him out of the gates.  
Everyone had left the cemetery but Roy was still there. The tears hadn't stopped. Roy's voice was barely audible, he had been crying too much.  
"Ed, I now know why you tried to bring back your mother. Funny, I used to have a theory on human transmutation. Maes told me to not do it. During the funeral I've been desperately trying to remember it..." He explained the Ishvalan war of extermination and what happened  
Finally Roy left the grave, he couldn't take it he had seen enough death for his lifetime.

~TIME SKIP TO NEXT DAY~

Roy was in the office sitting at his desk. The paperwork littered his desk abore, Hawkeye didn't make him do it since yesterday was Mustang's Lover's funeral.  
"Ed, I miss you." He sobbed, crying from the pain in his throat.  
"I'm really worried about the Colonel." Furey said.  
"Everyone is but Ed's funeral was yesterday, give him time he'll be back to himself in a few days" Havoc explained a tab hanging loosely from his mouth. They worried about what he was capable of. He has wanted to do it before.  
"Sir, it's lunch would you join us?" Riza's voice chirped. Roy tried to voice a reply but his voice had left him, his response barely a whisper. he walked out of the office that brought too many memories of Edward wiping his eyes of the tears he had shed. Ed's constant ranting rang in his ears.  
"SHITTY COLONEL. Why do you send me on these stupid missions? What are you getting out of this?" He smiled at that moment, the moment Roy told Ed he loved him.

 _~Flashback~_

 _"UGH! another false lead. I swear you are doing this on purpose!" Ed yelled. Roy looked up into the golden eyes of Edward Elric, the man Roy loved. He gulped and looked away._  
 _"You keep doing that, why?" Edward said._  
 _"Keep doing what?" Roy said, faking innocence when he knew what he was on about._  
 _"You can't look into my eyes without looking away and..." Ed said trailing off. ' He noticed it didn't he' Roy thought._  
 _"You're blushing!" Ed said pointing at his superior._  
 _'Oh shit!' Roy thought. He looked into Ed's eyes._  
 _"I...l-l-love-" he stuttered but something interrupted him, more like someTHING. The THING was Ed's lips. Roy kissed back, his gained entrance into Ed's mouth, exploring it with his own. They parted for air panting hard._  
 _"I love you." Ed said. Roy was still shocked that his secret love had KISSED him._  
 _"I...I...I...I love you too." Roy confessed. Ed leaned back in kissing his new boyfriend once more_  
 _~end of flashback~_

They walked to the cafeteria, Roy grabbed his food and sat down. He hardly ate anything, he didn't feel hungry but he forced himself to eat it, not that he would be getting anything when at was at home anyway, he was planning something. Everyone was shocked, Roy had tears flooding down his cheeks.  
"Riza." A voice called out, sitting next to blonde.  
"Yes?" She answered, turning to face Maria Ross.  
"What is the matter with Colonel Mustang?" She questioned.  
"His...boyfriend...Well Edward died" Riza replied looking over at the man who had finished crying and his eyes were puffy and red. Ross' eyes widened and gasped, her mouth making a perfect 'o' shape. Ross looked back at her food.  
Roy stood up and left, along with Riza leaving Ross to explain it it to sergeant Brosh. Speak of the devil.  
"Hey Ross. Did you find out why Colonel Mustang was acting weird?" He said happily  
"You know how Ed died?" She started looking at the man as he nodded. "They were... together." Brosh's jaw dropped and eyes widend, Ross got up leaving the speechless sergeant alone.

~Later that day~

Roy was allowed to go home early since he wasn't going to be doing any work. He walked into the house he and Ed shared. The living room was bright and colourful,  
' At a time like this, it shouldn't be so cheerful.'  
Memories came flooding back like their birthdays.

 _~flashback of Ed's birthday~_

 _"OHHHHH ROY!" Ed sang "You said I could have my present when you came in. Can I see it now?" Ed clung onto his lover's muscular arm looking hopefully up into his eyes._  
 _"Ok, follow me" Roy replied dragging his young lover to the door that had just been installed._  
 _Roy opened the door to reveal a library filled with books of Alchemy, normal, non-fiction books, story books. Ed's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy shop. He ran into the Alchemy section and sat and his eyes skimming the words on the page, drinking in the information. Roy left him alone to read, not that he would answer him anyway. He left the room and grabbed the cake that lay on the bench and set it down next to his boyfriend._

 _~end of flashback~_

Roy had planned to propose to Edward on their anniversary, which was the day after Ed died. Memory after memory flooded Roy's mind, with every step into their house. Picture of Ed and Roy adorned the walls. He walked over to their library taking out books on human alchemy he stored, hidden away from the rest. He still had his research on human transmutation.  
'No. Ed told me about it. What can I give for his soul? I do have THAT. It would be easier.' He looked over to his bedroom and decided. Abandoning the idea of a transmutation he went with way that was easiest. Suicide.  
'I'll be with Ed again. Suicide, I have a gun.'  
Roy slowly and gingerly, body shaking, walked over to his bedroom  
and opened the top drawer.  
'I want to be with you Ed' Roy thought as he was searching threw the drawer. He grabbed 2 items, a small black box and a gun. The gun's black polished surface reflected the moonlight that streamed in through the curtains. He checked the magazine. 3 bullets loaded.  
He opened up the box, the box that was supposed to hold happiness. The box that held Ed's ring. He picked up the box and the other object such was in that drawer. He flicked the safety off and raised the gun to his temple and tightened his grip on the box.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't live on without you." He muttered his last words into the night. Shadows danced around behind Roy, trying to stop him.  
"NO ROY DON'T!" Riza shrieked. He turned around, lowered the gun and collapsed in a heap of tears.  
"Riza. What do I do? What do I live for now that Ed is gone?" Roy cried, the gun still in his hand. He cried and cried leaning in Hawkeye dampening her uniform.  
"It's ok Roy. Ed would want you to live." She smiled. He dried his tears.  
"He might want me to but I can't. I love you." He said, looking up at Hawkeye and smiling. Then he pulled the trigger. His crimson blood coated his bed, drawer and even Hawkeye.  
"R-R-Roy. No." Riza choked. The gunshot resounded through the room. Riza was covered in the blood of her best friend and superior. Memories of Roy bombarded her mind, with every one a fresh wave of tears cascaded down her cheeks.  
Hawkeye, Furey, Breda, Falman and Havoc all stood in Roy's bedroom, staring at the body that lay before them. They couldn't take their eyes off the bloodied face of their superior. Riza's legs couldn't support her so she fell to the ground and wept,her cries echoing around them.  
"R-R-ROY!" She kept repeating with her hands covering her face. Everyone was shocked at the events that unfolded that day.


End file.
